“Unleashing Happiness” a monthly blog by Karen Lee Stevens

Director of Wellness Programs, Karen Lee Stevens tackles topics related to mental health and the human-animal bond, along with a healthy dose of humor (because let’s face it, sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying!).

BLOG POST #32 – A Tale of Two Teeth

April 2, 2025
by KAREN LEE STEVENS

They say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but apparently, you can teach a 60-something’s teeth to move back into their original neighborhood.

I thought I graduated from orthodontic purgatory back when bell-bottoms were still in style, but here I am, experiencing a kind of dental déjà vu.

I recently traded my pre-teenage metal mouth for a set of high-tech clear plastic “aligners.” My dentist is a lovely lady, but when she cemented three little attachments to my front teeth — essentially tiny handles that allow the aligners to grip and rotate my stubborn incisors — it felt less like dental correction and more like I was being outfitted with miniature industrial trailer hitches. SHARP ones, at that.

Why am I doing this to myself at my age? The primary motivation wasn’t vanity, although a straighter smile is always nice. It was hygiene. Thanks to the reality of “jaw shrinkage” as one ages, my bottom teeth had become so crowded that I couldn’t even wedge a piece of Glide dental floss between them.

Why am I doing this to myself at my age? The primary motivation wasn’t vanity, although a straighter smile is always a nice perk. It was hygiene. Thanks to the reality of “jaw shrinkage” as one ages, my bottom teeth had become so crowded that I couldn’t even wedge a piece of Glide dental floss between them.

Now, I’m Week 2 into my regime and living my life in 22-hour cycles of plastic prison. The remaining two hours are my “eating window,” during which I must speed-chew, floss meticulously (ironic, right?), and scrub the aligners with a toothbrush. I even have cute animal print carrying case for all my gear that reminds me of that Scooby Doo lunch box I had as a kid.

Lately, I’ve been comparing my life to my dog, Buffy. Buffy has exactly two teeth. Total. They are tiny white nubs that stick up like miniature daggers in her lower jaw. She has zero maintenance requirements, no orthodontic distress, and a smile that radiates pure joy. She eats her kibble just fine and lives a life of total dental freedom.

Our daily routines couldn’t be more different.

When Buffy wants to eat, her internal monologue is simple:
1. I smell food.
2. I eat food.
3. I take a nap.

My internal monologue before a simple snack:
1. Can I eat this popcorn without needing to remove the aligners? No?
2. Okay, pop them out. Pry, snap, slightly painful tug.
3. Eat popcorn quickly while ignoring the sharp “dots” rubbing against my inner cheeks.
4. Rush to the bathroom and brush teeth. Brush aligners. Heck, even brush my hair again.
5. Rinse the aligners. Reseat them. Snap, snap. Ouch!
6. Smile awkwardly in the mirror to make sure they are correctly positioned correctly.
7. Repeat a bazillion times throughout the day.

Buffy is clearly winning the low-maintenance game. She’s conquering the world with two teeth, while I’m navigating the grocery store with a dedicated accessory bag just to handle a mid-afternoon yogurt.

And yet, I’ve decided this new challenge is my path to happiness. I know that, in a mere 4-6 months, I’ll be able to do something I haven’t managed in years: I’ll be able to floss without the string shredding like an old sweater.

If I can maintain that minor miracle, maybe I’ll keep my teeth well into my 80s, and I won’t end up gumming kibble like my darling dog. It turns out you actually can teach an old dog — or at least an old dog’s teeth — some new tricks. Even if those tricks involve a lot of plastic, a super strict schedule, and a fair amount of prying my pearly whites into the zip code of my youth — but one without those embarrassing bell-bottoms.

Got a dental dilemma? Share it with Karen by sending her an email at karen@therapydogssb.org.

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